Autumn Leaves {Part 4}

[london9calling]

Title: Autumn Leaves
Pairing: Xiumin/Luhan
Rating: NC-17
Length: 33,000 words
Summary: Minseok is the Crown Prince of Korea, Luhan is the bastard son of the Emperor of China. Together they share a dark past that is veiled in mystery. When Luhan's cousin is sent to Korea as a bride for Minseok, Luhan is left grasping- at what he once had and what he cannot remember.

October was a cold month in Korea. Chuseok passed, the harvest had passed, and the winter was preparing for a long sleep over the land. The cold was not a pleasant experience. Less so if you were without a jacket, in a dress, and perched on the back of a motorcycle. The wind was a bitch.

She gripped his waist like she was begging for mercy. Hell, anything could happen at this point. And she was ready to bury her face in his jacket and pray to everything worth praying to that nothing else happened, she had enough of it.

He was silent, never offering an explanation.

Why was she okay with that? She had to be. She had no alternative. The night only got colder.

***

Four hours ago

Official meant crowds. Official meant photographers waiting at the entrance. Official meant all eyes were turned towards the family.

Minseok waved and smiled and waved again. Joon Myun looked stoic as always. Sehun tried to be cute, flashing a peace sign as he leaned in towards his older brothers and gave his best photo shoot pose. What a happy family.

Nauen was overwhelmed by the attention, not having seen such a spectacle in her life. Granted there were plenty of photographers waiting at the airport when she had arrived in Korea, but nothing like what was waiting for her at the engagement party.

When she looked a little lost she found Minseok’s arm. It was comforting in as much as having another person next to you can be. They had still never had a moment alone to actually discuss their engagement - what they were gathered together to celebrate.

Inside the main hall the situation was expectant and stuffy. Minseok took her arm and guided her to greet everyone that mattered. Nauen gripped his arm and made the necessary greetings. It was daunting, to say the least.

***

Luhan spotted Soo Man. The royal advisor was across the large hall, speaking to a rather prominent politician. It was now or never.

“Excuse me.” Luhan knew that a certain expression looked better than another, he tried his best to come off as friendly.

Soo Man had no other choice than to bow. After all Soo Man was not royalty- no matter how much power he wielded.

“Prince Luhan.”

“Sunbaenim.” Luhan bowed his head slightly, showing only as much respect as was required given their situation in life, “May we speak in private?”

The politician that Soo Man had been chatting up took his leave quickly. He seemed to be averse to being any part of a chat between the royal advisor and the Prince of China.

“Of course” Soo Man smiled. He had been waiting for the request. It had come sooner than he thought it would.

***

Get him alone. Take him by surprise.

Minseok had directed Luhan on the methods to utilize against Soo Man. If you caught the man by surprise he could possibly become more useful, freer with information if you will. Soo Man was savvy and informed, but he had to have a weakness. Perhaps it was surprise.

Minseok saw Luhan follow Soo Man out of the room. So it had begun.

His attention was directed towards the bustling room before him. Nobles and family and people he didn’t know wanted to meet him and his soon-to-be wife.

“I am nervous” The girl on his arm whispered. It was the first time she had spoken only to him.

“It’s okay.” He smiled back at her. Too bad he doubted his own words. The newly engaged couple went forth to greet the crowd.

***

Jong Dae had found an enormous, gaping hole in the entire function. It was courtesy of the Chinese delegation and it was centered on security.

“You are not checking the list!”

He could be quite fierce when he wanted to be.

Chanyeol translated Jong Dae’s scolding into Mandarin so the security team could understand. Upon the translation they shot Jong Dae dirty looks.

“Hell- there is a list for a REASON!”

Chanyeol was in complete agreement. He had already had to kick one person out and he was not about to repeat the actions.

Zitao, the team leader in charge of security, spoke to Chanyeol in hushed tones. It seemed that the team in charge of the doors was intermingled with the newer security staff. That was the problem, according to Zitao.

“Hey!” Chanyeol waved one of the security team over. He would be damned if the entire event was ruined because of securities incompetence.

“Check the damn list!” Chanyeol repeated the words in Korean and Mandarin.

Kyung Soo nodded a couple of times.

Chanyeol gave him a threatening look.

Kyung Soo smiled. He would check the list. Damn, he would check the list.

***

Three hours ago

Minseok found him alone. It was a monumental feat to pull himself away from a party that was thrown partially in his honor. But he had done it, thanks to a quick interruption from Joon Myun. He walked through the endless halls, walked towards where he thought he would find Luhan.

Luhan was sitting alone, staring at the floor.

“What happened?” Minseok did not miss a beat, he asked the question as soon as he found him.

Luhan threw the packet of photographs with a flurry.

“Look”

Minseok did.

***

Two hour ago

Sweat dripped from Taemin’s brow. He pushed his arm up, wiping off his perspiration with one swift motion.

It was difficult work– cracking a safe.

***

One Hour ago

Jong Dae needed to find him- it had been far too long since his royal charge had been seen in the main hall.

His best guess involved Luhan, which brought him to begin the search with Chanyeol’s help. They went back to their respective employer’s quarters. They went to the gardens, and the offices and the archery range. They went everywhere they could think of. But there was nothing waiting for them.

“We are f-ed” Chanyeol said it, and it was a frustrated and hopeless statement. Jong Dae agreed, wholeheartedly. They were royally F-ed, pun intended.

***

The door slammed behind them. Nauen was apprehensive, she stood frozen at the entrance.

“Come here” Taemin waved her over to the small living area. Nauen looked around and did not step forward.

“Yah- if this is a kidnapping I am pretty sure you are supposed to listen to me.”

Nauen nodded. She forgot, this was a kidnapping, considering she had agreed to it (given the circumstance she had little choice). She made small steps towards the shabby furniture and the only man besides her father she had ever hugged (if back hugging on a motorcycle counted as a hug, anyway).

“How long is this supposed to go on?” She asked in a small voice.

“Until he tells me otherwise.” Taemin ran a hand through his hair. “The others will be here soon, so best to grab a seat while you can.”

Nauen felt like crying but then again she felt a little more alive than before. She was not sure what exactly she felt, so she grabbed a seat on the olive green rocker.

“Why did you do it?”

Taemin laughed.

“Why did you agree?”

“Because I was afraid” Nauen was too honest. Tears formed in her eyes.

Taemin looked away from the Chinese Princess. He had tried to ignore what it was like, holding her hand and taking her from that place. He had tried to pretend like he didn’t think she was pretty and nice and felt like he had to protect her. It was better if he looked away, because if he didn’t their plan would backfire. He was certain of it.

***

At a royal engagement party the focus is, predictably, on the royal family. Which is why, after a prolonged absence of the engaged couple, the King of Korea could expect no less.

“They have disappeared.” Soo Man had delivered the news with a whisper, followed by the names of those who had apparently called the event quits.

The King nodded. Eyes were on him, it was not like he could act surprised, shocked or disappointed.

“We should end the party soon.”

The King nodded again. How did one end an engagement party with the newly engaged couple absent?

“End it then” Of course, Soo Man would need to do it. It was not the King’s job to sort this mess out.

Soo Man whispered a few words of acknowledgement. Everything was working out as he had hoped. Exactly how he had hoped.

***

At first it had been painful and just a little bit shocking. Minseok had picked up the photographs Luhan had given him, looking at them one by one. He dwelt on the pictures of scenes he could not remember. His chest tightened as his mind tried to grasp the truth of the photographs. Had it really been the truth?

“What do you-“It was rough, it was raw “What is this?”

“What do you want it to be?”

The Chinese Prince knew what he wanted it to be. He knew what he had always wanted it to be.

Minseok felt dizzy. It was clear, it was the truth. And it was in front of him in several forms. They were there, so many years before. And it was not a simple friendship- that was clear from the pictures. In one photograph they were kissing, in another they were most definitely more than friends- their embrace spoke volumes against a simple friendship. He lifted his head, his gaze boring into Luhan’s heavily lidded expression.

“I…don’t know”

Luhan had considered not asking it, not screwing it up like he had screwed everything else in his life up. But such considerations were not part of what made him stand up, what made him reach out to touch Minseok’s face.

“I…” Luhan knew that speaking the words was basically a nail in his own coffin, but it no longer mattered, “I want you”

Three words pierced through Minseok. Three words he had wanted to speak first. Three words he would have never uttered.

Minseok did not want his answer to be delivered with words. He did not want the last nine years’ worth of frustration to be wasted on what he could not even begin to say.

Luhan knew that his actions were wholly wrong. Hell, the man in front of him was engaged to Nauen. But his body said something different, his reason no longer played a part in how he responded.

“Where can we be alone?” Luhan whispered his words, knowing what they conveyed.

“I…” Minseok should have left then if he had any sense, instead he stood up, grabbing Luhan’s hand and bringing the other man to his feet.

Their lips met in a swift motion initiated by Minseok. Nine years was a long time for desire and feelings to go unanswered. Nine years was what it took for both of them to grow from boys to men, from the raging hormones of puberty to the calculated desires of an adult. The crush of their lips was desperate, both of them answering a need they had questioned time and time again.

Luhan’s tongue found its way into Minseok’s mouth first, teasing and urging the kiss deeper. Minseok moaned into the kiss, finding Luhan’s waist with his hands. Luhan responded by weaving a hand through Minseok’s hair, pulling him closer.

They broke their kiss for a moment, both of them panting.

“Where can we go?”

It was a loaded question with a simple outcome. And the outcome had completely driven all reason from both men. If they had stopped to consider it this was the worst possible time for this. An engagement, a missing memory, everything was against this happening. But both of them had finally found an outlet for what they had buried, or guessed at, or trusted. It was right.

Minseok did not respond to Luhan’s question. Instead he began his assault anew. He kissed Luhan’s mouth, his cheek, and trailed light and seductive kisses down Luhan’s neck. Minseok groaned as his lips made contact.

Luhan had his answer then and there, or to be more accurate he felt it. He held his chin up, running his hand through Minseok’s hair as the man assaulted his senses.  He had other lovers before, but he had never before experienced the sensations that coursed through him at this point. He could feel Minseok’s thigh on his own, the strength. He could feel the hardness that seductively brushed on his thigh, the truth of Minseok’s arousal. Luhan was hard too.

“I need you” Luhan’s words were desperate, husky.

Minseok was surprised when Luhan expertly traded their positions, pushing him against the wall. Minseok gasped as his Luhan’s felt hands on his waist, caressing. He urged Luhan forward, whimpering as Luhan’s mouth crushed his own in a fury of desire.

Luhan worked his way to Minseok’s neck, his hands moving to take off Minseok’s shirt. The Korean Prince let himself be undressed, too aroused for anything to make sense. Luhan lingered, teasing as he unbuttoned Minseok’s shirt. Once he had exposed Minseok’s chest he raised his hand to tease a nipple.

“Luuuuuu” It was so throaty it could only urge a more hurried response. Within a few seconds Minseok was shirtless, being guided towards the sofa.

Minseok fell back, Luhan pushed his shoulders down.

“Minnnn” Luhan’s tongue was something that could not be imagined. Minseok grew harder as Luhan administered to his chest, his stomach, and back to his lips.

“I want to be inside you” Minseok had never had sex. He had never before uttered such words. But damn did he want to see Luhan under him, bucking, answering his body. It was a thing he had never consciously imagined, but he felt like he had always needed it. Luhan, on him, teasing him, was only the beginning of how he wanted him.

“Hmmmmm” Luhan stopped his teasing and stood. Minseok groaned at the sudden loss of contact. It was apparent how turned on Luhan was, his erection tenting his pants. Luhan took off his suit jacket and began unbuttoning his own shirt. Minseok quickly stopped him, raising his eyebrows in the sexiest invitation Luhan had ever seen.

“Let me” Minseok was less patient. He wanted him, how he wanted him. Luhan’s shirt was off in a few tugs. He was thrown into the sofa a few seconds later.

Minseok’s hands found Luhan’s waist, and then lower.

Luhan gasped when Minseok touched his erection.

“Please” Luhan’s burning need had turned into surrender.

Minseok never knew he wanted to see someone beg until that moment. Luhan begging was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“What do you want Lu?” He asked, unbuttoning the Chinese Prince’s pants.

Luhan could no longer speak, instead he bucked his hips forward.

“Do you like this?” Minseok asked, pulling Luhan’s pants off. Another groan.

Luhan was big, Minseok reflected. He was perfect. When Minseok’s hand found Luhan’s ɗιϲƙ the Chinese Prince moved forward.

“Do you want me to touch you?” Minseok asked. Why was something like this so easy, so damn easy, after so much trouble? Why, after so much pain, was this all so easy? Why…it mattered little now, how they had gotten here.

“Please”

It was enough for Minseok. He began to move his hand, sheathing Luhan’s cock in his own. Luhan threw his head back, bucking forward into Minseok’s grasp. Minseok intentionally slowed down his movements.

Luhan thought he would die. He thought he would die right there.

“I want you in me” Luhan tried to say the words, but they were moaning unintelligible sounds.

Minseok understood. He quickly divested himself of his pants, standing fully naked in front of Luhan.

“Jesus Chr-“Luhan never thought he could have an orgasm from looking, never thought it could happen. But he threw his head back, feeling like the inevitable was coming too fast. Minseok was strong and lean and powerful and big and god- he had wanted it for so many years.

Before Luhan could try to hold back Minseok was kneeling, rubbing his cock against Luhan’s opening.

“I am going to c-“

Minseok knew the feeling. Because he thought it was happening too fast. But damn if he could slow it down. He had to, consequences be damned.

It was a painful thrust. A thrust without lubricant. A thrust without the necessary precautions. Later, much later, Luhan could care less. But at the time he jerked forward, his pleasure mixing with pain.

Minseok responded by slowly pulling out and then urging himself forward, deeper. Luhan thought the pain would kill him, yet he was still hard. So hard. His hands found Minseok’s shoulders. The slow rhythm between the two lasted a few languid moments before Luhan began to match the thrusts, his body adjusting, his desire urging him to respond. The pain no longer mattered.

Minseok watched Luhan’s face. The Chinese Prince’s lips were swollen, his body tense and ready. He could not help it – he grabbed one of Luhan’s wrists and pushed it above his head, pinning him down. He liked to see Luhan like this – under him, begging, adjusting, and bucking. Luhan’s eyes half lidded, his lips swollen from kissing.

Luhan was so tight, so responsive. Minseok threw his head back, pushing harder and faster.

“Miiiinnnnnn” Luhan twisted, struggling against his pinned wrist. His free hand found the back of Minseok’s neck, pulling him forward into a kiss. The action drove Minseok into Luhan deeper, their kiss turning into a shared vocal response to the movement.

Minseok began moving faster as his tongue teased Luhan’s. It was close, it was so close.

“Touch me” Luhan gasped.

Minseok broke the kiss and released Luhan’s wrist. He sat back on his hunches, Luhan’s legs arched at his waist. His right hand found Luhan’s ɗιϲƙ, he began stroking it to match his own thrusts.

“There- god there” Luhan bit his lip as he arched his back, urging himself into Minseok’s touch with his entire body.

“Here?” Minseok’s words were rough and husky and full of the mindlessness that comes before an orgasm. It was only need and desire and – he quickened his pace, he quickened his hand on Luhan’s ɗιϲƙ.

“Here?” He asked it again, feeling his own orgasm nearing. “Here?”

Luhan bucked. He threw his head back, his face contorting as he groaned deeply, his warm seed spilling onto Minseok’s hand, onto his stomach. He shuddered, burying his face into the couch cushion as the intensity of his orgasm racked his body.

It was too much for Minseok. His moved his hands to Luhan’s waist and began pumping at a furious pace. It was a couple of seconds before he felt his own release. He fell forward, his head down as he felt the last of his ϲυm empty into Luhan.

They were both panting, sweaty, ғυϲƙed. Minseok pulled out, his ɗιϲƙ going limp.

“My god….” Minseok never before felt such a feeling. A feeling like his soul had been ripped out, exposed, and he wanted it all over again. He had never before understood why he had such dreams. Why he – why….

“Where can we be alone” Luhan sat up slowly, pulling Minseok into a kiss. For some reason the only thing that mattered at that moment was that they could be alone- reality be damned. Engagement be damned.

***

The engagement party ended without a hitch. Soo Man had enough experience to know that the nobles would not say a word and the press could do very little when they were not allowed inside the official event. So the party faded, and the only thing left was cleaning up the mess that no one knew even happened.

Soo Man smiled to himself as waited in his office. The mess, so termed, was not really a mess as much as a calculated plan. And it went beautifully. Now he needed to start phase 2 and wrap the whole thing up.

The door swung open, bringing Soo Man out of his satisfied reflections. Chanyeol, Yixing, and Jong Dae entered. He noticed that the three younger men looked near wits end, which was exactly how he thought they would look.

“Gentlemen.” Soo Man merely nodded in greeting. The three men lined up in front of Soo Man, appearing like little boys ready to receive a punishment. “I am aware that you have been searching for the Prince’s Luhan and Minseok as well as the Princess Naeuen. You can call off the search, as we know where they are.”

Jong Dae’s face lit up “Where?”

Soo Man smiled, “Unfortunately I cannot say for now, but rest assured they are all well. They simply needed a night of rest. You shall see them in the morning.”

“I find it odd that Luhan – I mean Prince Luhan would leave without letting me know” Chanyeol was not so sure about Soo Man, especially given the fact Jong Dae seemed to not trust the man.

“Royalty, as I am sure you are aware, can do as they please as long as they pay attention to decorum. I know it may pain you, but it is a lesson worth learning – as servants of the royal family we are not their top priority and they are not beheld to us” Soo Man replied.

Chanyeol had a burning desire to punch the smirking Korean man in front of him, but he knew that would not exactly bode well for him. Something was not right here, and he did not know what to do. There was no way Luhan would just disappear, and there was certainly no way Nauen would. That shy girl never made a decision for herself, she was not the type to decide to “take a rest” during her engagement party.

Before Chanyeol could further ponder hitting Soo Man he felt Jong Dae’s hand on his arm, signaling that they should leave. It was a hurried goodbye before Yixing, Jong Dae, and Chanyeol were out of the office. As soon as they were far enough away they started to talk- something was really strange about the entire situation.

***

Nauen was wringing her hands again. The small room she had recently arrived in had become a more enclosed with the arrival of four other men. They were splayed lazily about, paying her little attention.

“Are you cold?”

The question made her jump. She looked next to her to see Taemin (she had confirmed his name, heck she had to after jumping on a motorcycle with him).

“Nnnno” She stuttered. He was very close, so close she could smell the faint scent of his cologne. She had breathed in enough of it while riding on the back of his bike to know it now.

Taemin smiled at her. It was a gummy, reassuring smile. She looked away. The chain of events that had driven her to this situation were fresh, painfully fresh in her mind. She remembered it clearly. She had been nervously navigating the party when she noticed that Minseok was gone. It was a few minutes after that she received the note – that Minseok wanted to see her. She had slipped out, biting her lip and hoping she was not making a mistake. But then again- if her fiancé called for her who was she to turn him down. Plus she really, really wanted to be alone with him at least once, to ask him what he thought of the entire situation.

It was a confusing walk towards where the note told her to go and when she got to the room she heard things, things she was not sure she should have heard. It was Luhan and Minseok and it made her head hurt trying to understand what they were doing. She felt tears swell, her emotions bursting forth before she could process the situation in her mind. Before she could open the door Taemin was there, grabbing onto her wrist, pulling her away.

“You need to come with me. Now.” He had begun to run, dragging her behind him. She had, much to her surprise, begun to follow him. He led her through the palace and before she knew it they were outside.

“Where are we going?” She asked breathlessly as he handed her a motorcycle helmet.

“I am supposed to kidnap you. Is that okay?”

She wanted to laugh then and there, but she was still too shocked to really give into the humor of the situation. Was someone asking her if it was okay if they kidnap her?

“Do you know what was happening in that room?” Taemin gave her a serious look. She didn’t really want to know. Really.

“Let’s go” Before she could consider how she felt or what it could have been or was not she left with Taemin. For some reason she felt like she could trust him. She wanted to go with him, no matter how crazy it was.

“I won’t hurt you” He said. She believed him.

***

Eun Ji was not happy. She was pacing and frantic and pissed off.

“What do you mean she is resting?!”

Yixing knew better than to argue with the fiery servant. He left Chanyeol to that. Yixing just looked at her, a staid expression.

“That is what the Korean advisor told us. There is not much we can do…” Chanyeol tried to explain once again but ended up having to shout as Eun Ji stomped off towards some undetermined destination.

Chanyeol, Yixing, and Jong Dae had discussed the situation and had come to the same conclusion, it was fruitless to do anything at this time of night. Soo Man said the Princes’ would be there in the morning, they trusted him as much as that. Because if he was wrong he would have an international incident on his hands- a missing Chinese Prince and Princess was not something to be taken lightly.

Eun Ji could care less for Chanyeol’s explanations (or lack thereof), she knew exactly where she had to go. It was bull that the “Korean advisor” would tell them Princess Nauen was resting and they should just sit back and relax. Not going to happen she repeated in her mind. As she stormed and huffed her way towards where the Palace Officials held office she clenched her fists. She would give them a piece of her mind, she would-

“I like you”

Eun Ji stopped in her tracks.

“A lot”

She whirled around to face the direction where the words came from. It was dark but she could make out a figure, a man, standing at the far end of the small courtyard she was presently stomping through.

“What did you say?” She shouted.

The figure stepped forward, enough for his face to become clear.

Eun Ji gasped loudly. She was always a loud person so it made sense that her expressions were more than silent gestures.

“I..um…like you?” Joon Myun smiled. He was blushing furiously. The few drinks he had at the engagement party had helped him feel emboldened. Now that he was facing her he was less sure.

“Then where in the hell is Princess Nauen?” Eun Ji shouted.

“Um…..” Joon Myun looked confused. Maybe confessing boldly was not a good idea. “I don’t know?”

Worst response ever. He wanted to punch himself.

***

The growing light of the dawn made the room look otherworldly. The emerging sunlight painted the room in greys and blues, revealing the two sleeping forms slowly. He stood and watched them for a while, perhaps because of personal nostalgia. He hardly remembered what it felt like to sleep next to the person he loved.

They looked so peaceful. Luhan’s arm was splayed over Minseok, spooning him closer, protectively resting at his waist. Luhan’s face was nuzzled into the back of Minseok’s neck. Their legs were intertwined as they slept, Luhan’s thigh over Minseok’s, their feet touching. It was apparent how much they needed to be near each other, their positions said it all. They were both lightly snoring, looking like two little boys without a care in the world.

It would be a shame to shatter it all, he thought, but it was what he had to do for himself and for the one he loved. It was what had to be done and he was never one to shirk responsibility.

Minseok shifted slightly, as he did so his scarred wrist became visible.

It was the scar, the man thought. He had nearly forgotten about the scar. It was a deep cut, he meant it to be. He remembered how it felt, how much pain the boy had been in when he had grabbed Luhan’s hand, brought it to Minseok’s wrist and slashed. The blood had begun to spurt, and the boy had looked utterly hopeless and shocked as he fell to the floor. It was the greatest violence he had ever inflicted to that point. Cutting him like that. But he didn’t remember, so it was violence that was well worth it.

Now or never.

“Wake up boys” He said it loud enough, at least he thought it was loud enough.

Neither of them moved.

It was now or never.

***

Six Hours Ago

“What do you want the truth to be?”

Luhan was not ready for a question like that. He had cornered Soo Man with questions of his own, he was not ready to explain himself.

“What do you mean- I want the truth to be the truth” He knew it now- Soo Man had something to do with the missing memories.

Soo Man had walked with Luhan to a small antechamber in another part of the palace, as far away from the engagement party as possible. It was a room that Soo Man chose for a purpose.

“Don’t we all? Should we step inside?” Soo Man beckoned for Luhan to follow him into the small out-of-use royal apartment beyond the antechamber. Luhan followed reluctantly.

As soon as they were in the apartment Soo Man spoke “There is a truth you may not want to know. A truth that will make Minseok hate you forever. Are you sure you want to know?”

Luhan swallowed. He had to remain calm. What was this?

“I just want to know.” He had to know.

Soo Man smiled. It was a soulless smile, his eyes were empty.

“Nine years ago you did something to Minseok. Something that almost killed him.”

“What are you taking about?” Luhan’s breathing seemed to stop. Time seemed to stop. He held his breath, waiting for a response.

“Here is what you want.” Soo Man produced a packet of photos from his pocket. “If you want the truth you are a fool.”

Luhan eyed the packet.

“Maybe I am a fool.”

“What about your cousin?”

“What about my cousin?” Luhan was alarmed.

“What will she think? No…what will happen to Minseok? Can you live with him hating you…again?”

Soo Man stepped towards Luhan and placed a hand on the man’s shoulder.

“Luhan, you haven’t changed. So full of emotions and passion.” Soo Man grabbed Luhan’s clenched fist, pushing the packet of pictures into his grasp.

Luhan felt sick. He had lived nine years full of hatred, only to find out Minseok didn’t hate him back. And for some reason that fact had become a bright and shining beacon in the last few days. It had carried him, healed him, even if they could not remember. It was what made him wake up in this place and go on. Was the truth too painful- was Minseok right when he said they should only look forward?

“Tell me what happened” Luhan’s voice was low and raw. He clenched the pictures, staring into the older man’s eyes, his rage building.

Soo Man looked away and then spoke-

“You slit his wrist. Why do you think you can’t remember? You blocked it out. You chose to forget the time you tried to kill him.”

Luhan felt like the world was spinning. How could he trust Soo Man?

“No. I would-“

It was then that Soo Man took out another picture. It was then that Luhan saw it, saw a knife and Minseok starring back at him. Nine years ago. Blood. There was so much blood.

“You did it the day before you were supposed to leave for China, after an official photo shoot. Do you see- you tried to kill him?” Soo Man feigned emotions he did not feel. He tried, because that was what was required in this situation. If Luhan listened like he should, than the entire plan would be perfect. “Thank god we were watching or you would have killed him. The photographer was taking a proof shot and….we assumed you were trying to kill him first, then yourself.”

Luhan felt the tears, the ugly and thick feeling in his throat. He thought he would throw up.

There was too much blood in the unfocused picture. He had a knife. Minseok was holding his wrist, blood oozing down his arm, onto the floor. Minseok’s face was contorted into an expression of shock and betrayal. Luhan’s expression was blank, unreadable as he grasped the knife. Oh god, was it true?

“You are a fool. Take these, they are reality now. As they should have been all along. ” Soo Man pushed the packet into Luhan’s hand with more force, “I am trying to help you.”

Luhan was lost. Could he have done something like that? To Minseok? Was that the bubbling feeling of betrayal and hatred that drove him to feel nothing?

Soo Man waited for a moment, watching Luhan digest it all. Then he patted Luhan on the shoulder and left quietly.

The minutes ticked by. Luhan gripped the packet and sunk to the floor. The tears kept coming but he did not sob. He cried, silently.

The last nine years had been a flurry of things. Drink, women, men, sometimes drugs. He had chased a feeling of peace that he could never find. He chased a vision of waking up, happy. He had chased trying to understand why confusion, rage, and hopelessness drove him forward every day of his miserable life. He had raced after a memory of Minseok and his love. He had never chased after blood and a scar and the reality that he could have done that. It had almost severed his hand for Christ’s sake.

After some time Luhan looked down at the packet. He began to look at the photos. Minseok, Luhan. They were happy in some pictures, serious in others. They were kissing. A hug here and there. In one they were making peace sings and grinning ear to ear. In another Luhan looked at a smiling Minseok, the love in his face clear. It was a reality that was far better than that which Soo Man had shown him in that one solitary, bloody, violent picture. Yet he could remember neither.

It was a long time before Minseok came into the room. By that time Luhan had stopped crying and decided which truth he wanted to share, which truth he wanted to bury. When he threw the packet towards Minseok he made that choice, he could not accept what had happened nine years ago. He would accept what he wanted to believe was true.

***

Minseok heard someone calling him, shaking him. He groaned. What was it?

As his eyes focused to the lowlight his memory reminded him – he was with Luhan. He squinted and looked, Luhan was sitting up beside him, shaking him awake.

“What?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.

Luhan nudged him.

“Good morning Prince Minseok.”

Minseok recognized the voice. He sat up quickly, wobbling slightly in his tired state. It was Soo Man.

“I have a few things that we need to discuss. I hope you do not mind?” Soo Man asked, his voice calm and steady.

Luhan had woken up only a minute before. And with his entry into the waking world he felt sheer dread. Before him was the man that knew too much.

“What are you doing here?!” Minseok asked with alarm. Minseok had come to his senses, taking in the situation fully. He was half naked (well practically naked if you did not count the boxers he had slipped back on), lying with Luhan. What in the hell was his Father’s advisor doing there?!

“I am here to talk about your wedding.” Soo Man smiled, “It seems that we have some things we need to discuss, given your current situation.”

Minseok felt himself turn red. Felt the entire weight of Soo Man’s words as the advisor motioned towards the room. In truth he motioned towards where Luhan and Minseok sat, where they sat in their obvious guilt. A person would have to be blind to not understand what the two of them had been doing that night.

“You bastard”

Minseok thought he heard Luhan whisper it. Minseok would have said the same thing if his head had not been swimming. He had been caught. He, a person who had dedicated himself to indifference and decorum and order, had been found out. His moment of passion, his moment of recklessness and love had been found out. He wanted to disappear. He unconsciously rubbed the scar on his wrist. It seemed his world was about to fall apart.


Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5